by Adam McPartlan
Well, tonight is the Golden Globe Awards. Technically awards season started the moment the nominees were announced a month ago, but the ceremony tonight is the real kickoff. It certainly looks to be a fun time, with Amy Poehler and Tina Fey hosting again, and some fan-favorite shows and films (Hillbilly Elegy was crap, but both leading ladies found their way into the nominations) found their way into the nominations (though not all, right Bridgerton?). The Globes are arguably one of the most important awards shows of the season. That being said, the Golden Globes should be considered by all to be the biggest joke award during the season. Here's why.
Well, tonight is the Golden Globe Awards. Technically awards season started the moment the nominees were announced a month ago, but the ceremony tonight is the real kickoff. It certainly looks to be a fun time, with Amy Poehler and Tina Fey hosting again, and some fan-favorite shows and films (Hillbilly Elegy was crap, but both leading ladies found their way into the nominations) found their way into the nominations (though not all, right Bridgerton?). The Globes are arguably one of the most important awards shows of the season. That being said, the Golden Globes should be considered by all to be the biggest joke award during the season. Here's why.
For starters, here's a number for you: 87. That's how many members there are in the voting body, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, that decide the nominees and winners. As if that number wasn't a microscopic enough sample size, less than half are active film critics. What does that mean? It means that I write for a blog, yet I'm more qualified than AT LEAST 44 members of this group because they don't actively do the job they supposedly have. It's a joke already right? Well don't worry...the joke gets better. And by better, I mean more depressing.
Here's another number for you: 0. That's how many black members of the HFPA there are. Interestingly enough, that's exactly how many nominations Da 5 Bloods, I May Destroy You, and every single black-led film in the Best Picture categories got this year. Now I will grant that Regina King, Leslie Odom Jr., Chadwick Boseman, Daniel Kaluuya, and Viola Davis all got nominations, and they should be proud (RIP Boseman). That said, they shouldn't feel especially hopeful, even though Boseman, Davis, and Kaluuya/Odom should be considered front-runners in the Oscars and other awards ceremonies. Why? Because aside from the racial breakdown of the body, it is the FOREIGN press. When given the option, they are more likely to award non-Americans than Americans (with some exceptions), which is why The Crown is somehow more favored to win Best Drama than Ozark.
What else makes the HFPA a joke? Well, there are accusations that new members are not allowed in/are barred from admission. There is rampant bribery and corruption among the members when it comes to the nominations and awards process (as if we all didn't know that when The Tourist got a million nominations that year). But then...there's the best joke of all.
The Oscars, for all their faults, realized last year just how dumb it was for an American organization to have a category called "Best Foreign Language Film." Why is it dumb? Because the US has NO OFFICIAL LANGUAGE. That's right, Trumpers, right-wingers, and ignorant stooges; you're yelling for people to learn the language of a country that chooses to say, "Legally, one specific national language is for pansies; let chaos reign and allow every language to be official." Anyway, if the US has no official language, why does the HFPA still have a Foreign Language Film category? Well that in itself wouldn't be so bad if foreign films (as in non-American made films) were the only ones in the category.
Here's another number for you: 0. That's how many black members of the HFPA there are. Interestingly enough, that's exactly how many nominations Da 5 Bloods, I May Destroy You, and every single black-led film in the Best Picture categories got this year. Now I will grant that Regina King, Leslie Odom Jr., Chadwick Boseman, Daniel Kaluuya, and Viola Davis all got nominations, and they should be proud (RIP Boseman). That said, they shouldn't feel especially hopeful, even though Boseman, Davis, and Kaluuya/Odom should be considered front-runners in the Oscars and other awards ceremonies. Why? Because aside from the racial breakdown of the body, it is the FOREIGN press. When given the option, they are more likely to award non-Americans than Americans (with some exceptions), which is why The Crown is somehow more favored to win Best Drama than Ozark.
What else makes the HFPA a joke? Well, there are accusations that new members are not allowed in/are barred from admission. There is rampant bribery and corruption among the members when it comes to the nominations and awards process (as if we all didn't know that when The Tourist got a million nominations that year). But then...there's the best joke of all.
The Oscars, for all their faults, realized last year just how dumb it was for an American organization to have a category called "Best Foreign Language Film." Why is it dumb? Because the US has NO OFFICIAL LANGUAGE. That's right, Trumpers, right-wingers, and ignorant stooges; you're yelling for people to learn the language of a country that chooses to say, "Legally, one specific national language is for pansies; let chaos reign and allow every language to be official." Anyway, if the US has no official language, why does the HFPA still have a Foreign Language Film category? Well that in itself wouldn't be so bad if foreign films (as in non-American made films) were the only ones in the category.
BUT THEY'RE NOT. NOT THIS YEAR. Meet Minari, a movie about a Korean family in middle America. This film, while having some English-speaking moments, is primarily in Korean. That's right; an American-made film is somehow in a film category meant for foreign films. But if it's meant for foreign films, why wasn't this corrected? Why was Minari allowed to be entered in the category? Well, the truth is, Minari's people tried to stop it from being entered in the category, and instead entered in the Best Drama Film category. But the HFPA gave a response in the snooty elitist equivalent of, "LOL nah." So as if the Golden Globes weren't enough of a joke for having such a tiny body of voters that's more corrupt than Tammany Hall and whiter than an albino rabbit, they essentially told every immigrant household in the US to "learn the language" of a country that accepts all languages. They invalidated a thoroughly American story, written by a man about his experiences growing up in Arkansas, and labeled it not American. In doing so, the HFPA told every immigrant and every child of immigrants growing up in a non-English speaking household, or at the very least a bilingual household, that their stories are not American. But hey, make sure y'all focus on the star-studded red carpet, what people are wearing, and the funny jokes of Poehler and Fey. Weapons of Mass Distraction.
As a film critic, though, my job is to predict the awards. And while I will continue to hate every ounce of the HFPA, and voice my strong opposition to the crap they pull, I now present my Golden Globe predictions.
Best Drama Film
Who Will Win: Nomadland
Who Should Win: A film that wasn't even nominated, Da 5 Bloods
Best Comedy Film
Who Will Win: Hamilton
Who Should Win: A film that wasn't even nominated, Emma.
Best Drama Actor
Who Will Win: Chadwick Boseman, Ma Rainey's Black Bottom
Who Should Win: A man who wasn't even nominated, Delroy Lindo
Best Drama Actress
Who Will Win: Carey Mulligan, Promising Young Woman
Who Should Win: Viola Davis, Ma Rainey's Black Bottom
Best Comedy Actor
Who Will Win: Sacha Baron Cohen, Borat Subsequent Moviefilm
Who Should Win: Sacha Baron Cohen, Borat Subsequent Moviefilm
Best Comedy Actress
Who Will Win: Maria Bakalova, Borat Subsequent Moviefilm
Who Should Win: Anya Taylor-Joy, Emma.
Best Supporting Actor
Who Will Win: Daniel Kaluuya, Judas and the Black Messiah
Who Should Win: Any actor from Da 5 Bloods or One Night in Miami...which in this case is only Leslie Odom, Jr.
Best Director
Who Will Win: Chloe Zhao, Nomadland
Who Should Win: A man who wasn't even nominated, Spike Lee, Da 5 Bloods
Best Screenplay
Who Will Win: The Trial of the Chicago 7
Who Should Win: The Trial of the Chicago 7
Best Original Score
Who Will Win: Soul
Who Should Win: News of the World
Best Original Song
Who Will Win: "Speak Now," One Night in Miami...
Who Should Win: "Speak Now," One Night in Miami..., or "Io sì," The Life Ahead
Best Animated Film
Who Will Win: Soul
Who Should Win: Wolfwalkers
Best Foreign Language Film
Who Will Win: Minari
Who Should Win: Another Round (because this category should be for foreign films, and Minari is American; Another Round is Danish)
Best Drama Series
Who Will Win: The Crown
Who Should Win: Ozark
Best Comedy Series
Who Will Win: Schitt's Creek
Who Should Win: Schitt's Creek or Ted Lasso
Best Miniseries/TV Movie
Who Will Win: The Queen's Gambit
Who Should Win: The Queen's Gambit
Best Drama Actor
Who Will Win: Jason Bateman, Ozark
Who Should Win: Jason Bateman, Ozark
Best Drama Actress
Who Will Win: Emma Corrin, The Crown
Who Should Win: Emma Corrin, The Crown or Laura Linney, Ozark
Best Comedy Actor
Who Will Win: Eugene Levy, Schitt's Creek
Who Should Win: Eugene Levy, Schitt's Creek or Jason Sudeikis, Ted Lasso
Best Comedy Actress
Who Will Win: Catherine O'Hara, Schitt's Creek
Who Should Win: Catherine O'Hara, Schitt's Creek or Kaley Cuoco, The Flight Attendant
Best Miniseries/TV Movie Actor
Who Will Win: Mark Ruffalo, I Know This Much is True
Who Should Win: Jeff Daniels, The Comey Rule (If Hugh Grant wins, I'll scream)
Best Miniseries/TV Movie Actress
Who Will Win: Anya Taylor-Joy, The Queen's Gambit
Who Should Win: Anya Taylor-Joy, The Queen's Gambit
Best Supporting Actor
Who Will Win: Dan Levy, Schitt's Creek
Who Should Win: Dan Levy, Schitt's Creek or John Boyega, Small Axe
Best Supporting Actress
Who Will Win: Gillian Anderson, The Crown
Who Should Win: Gillian Anderson, The Crown
As a film critic, though, my job is to predict the awards. And while I will continue to hate every ounce of the HFPA, and voice my strong opposition to the crap they pull, I now present my Golden Globe predictions.
Best Drama Film
Who Will Win: Nomadland
Who Should Win: A film that wasn't even nominated, Da 5 Bloods
Best Comedy Film
Who Will Win: Hamilton
Who Should Win: A film that wasn't even nominated, Emma.
Best Drama Actor
Who Will Win: Chadwick Boseman, Ma Rainey's Black Bottom
Who Should Win: A man who wasn't even nominated, Delroy Lindo
Best Drama Actress
Who Will Win: Carey Mulligan, Promising Young Woman
Who Should Win: Viola Davis, Ma Rainey's Black Bottom
Best Comedy Actor
Who Will Win: Sacha Baron Cohen, Borat Subsequent Moviefilm
Who Should Win: Sacha Baron Cohen, Borat Subsequent Moviefilm
Best Comedy Actress
Who Will Win: Maria Bakalova, Borat Subsequent Moviefilm
Who Should Win: Anya Taylor-Joy, Emma.
Best Supporting Actor
Who Will Win: Daniel Kaluuya, Judas and the Black Messiah
Who Should Win: Any actor from Da 5 Bloods or One Night in Miami...which in this case is only Leslie Odom, Jr.
Best Director
Who Will Win: Chloe Zhao, Nomadland
Who Should Win: A man who wasn't even nominated, Spike Lee, Da 5 Bloods
Best Screenplay
Who Will Win: The Trial of the Chicago 7
Who Should Win: The Trial of the Chicago 7
Best Original Score
Who Will Win: Soul
Who Should Win: News of the World
Best Original Song
Who Will Win: "Speak Now," One Night in Miami...
Who Should Win: "Speak Now," One Night in Miami..., or "Io sì," The Life Ahead
Best Animated Film
Who Will Win: Soul
Who Should Win: Wolfwalkers
Best Foreign Language Film
Who Will Win: Minari
Who Should Win: Another Round (because this category should be for foreign films, and Minari is American; Another Round is Danish)
Best Drama Series
Who Will Win: The Crown
Who Should Win: Ozark
Best Comedy Series
Who Will Win: Schitt's Creek
Who Should Win: Schitt's Creek or Ted Lasso
Best Miniseries/TV Movie
Who Will Win: The Queen's Gambit
Who Should Win: The Queen's Gambit
Best Drama Actor
Who Will Win: Jason Bateman, Ozark
Who Should Win: Jason Bateman, Ozark
Best Drama Actress
Who Will Win: Emma Corrin, The Crown
Who Should Win: Emma Corrin, The Crown or Laura Linney, Ozark
Best Comedy Actor
Who Will Win: Eugene Levy, Schitt's Creek
Who Should Win: Eugene Levy, Schitt's Creek or Jason Sudeikis, Ted Lasso
Best Comedy Actress
Who Will Win: Catherine O'Hara, Schitt's Creek
Who Should Win: Catherine O'Hara, Schitt's Creek or Kaley Cuoco, The Flight Attendant
Best Miniseries/TV Movie Actor
Who Will Win: Mark Ruffalo, I Know This Much is True
Who Should Win: Jeff Daniels, The Comey Rule (If Hugh Grant wins, I'll scream)
Best Miniseries/TV Movie Actress
Who Will Win: Anya Taylor-Joy, The Queen's Gambit
Who Should Win: Anya Taylor-Joy, The Queen's Gambit
Best Supporting Actor
Who Will Win: Dan Levy, Schitt's Creek
Who Should Win: Dan Levy, Schitt's Creek or John Boyega, Small Axe
Best Supporting Actress
Who Will Win: Gillian Anderson, The Crown
Who Should Win: Gillian Anderson, The Crown